Weeks 5-6

WEEK 5-6


HW: 484
SW: 458
CW: 428

Yeah... Ya got that right!

THE STALL IS BROKEN!!! Woo hoo!!!

At some point during week 5, the stall finally broke! How exciting! I ended up losing 10lbs during week 5, and for week 6 I'm down 6!

It has turned everything around mentally to know that all this is now paying off. It so frustrating to eat so little and work hard on getting proper nutrition to not see anything reflected on the scale. Even if it's slow but steady, I'll be happy!

Next week (by that I mean on Monday), I have to work on getting to the gym BEFORE work! That means packing my lunch and gym bag before bed, 5am alarm, and to the gym by 5:45! That will be tough considering I'm currently not getting to sleep before 1am!  But, I've gotta do what I've gotta do! The morning is wasted time as I'm not playing with the pups, I sleep in until the last possible minute to get up! I feel like using that time to get my workout in will free up my evenings to actually spend time with the pups, the many hockey events coming up, or the other millions of things that I need to get done!

Food is pretty much all the same; an egg for breakfast, lots of chicken and add in some yogurt or cottage cheese for snacks!  I'm considering removing all dairy from my diet, but I'll make the decision once I have less restrictions on food (around 2-3 months out). I'm eating around 600-800 calories a day. Somedays I find it hard to consume enough calories, other days I have to fight hunger!

I finally got to see my stomach at my last doctors appointment, it's amazing what they can do via surgery now! My stomach, aka "Sleevie Wonder", is just a little guy now! Long gone are the days of just grabbing whatever I want to eat. Some days I do miss the freedom, but I know it's what's best and will keep getting better and better the further out I am!

Here's my stomach in action... I had a couple gulps of barium that shows up as the black stuff moving thru my stomach. It shows up on the video in my esophagus (throat) and then squeezed into my  "sleeve"!

One Month Post-Op

I can't believe it's been a whole month! I feel as tho surgery was only a couple of weeks ago. I am grateful that I haven't had any complications or side effects. I continue to get in more than enough water, and food has been going really well! My incisions are mostly healed and I've been cleared to do anything and everything!

As far as food goes, I now have a list of food I can't have instead of a list of stuff I can!

Food/drinks I can't have :
  - raw vegetables
  - bread, rice, pasta
  - red meat
  - citrus
  - alcohol
  - any carbonation

Also, as part of this surgery, I am not supposed to drink within 30 minutes of having food. So I stop drinking water 30 minutes before and can continue 30 minutes after my last bite. This has been the hardest thing to learn. I think almost everyone is used to grabbing a drink with every meal. I did it the other day while we were out to eat at Jimmy Johns for the first time and all I ordered was turkey and cheese (no bread or anything else). Out of habit, I asked for a water cup. Five or six bites into my meal I realized my tummy was kind of gurgling and it wasn't settling well (which is odd because I've had turkey and cheese before). It took me a second to realize I was drinking also! Oops!

Weight.. Yeah... That's the only issue

HW: 484
SW: 458
CW: 442-446

Yep... you read that right! I haven't lost anything since 10 days after the surgery. I have been bouncing back and forth between 4lbs. Stalls are the absolute worst.


We interrupt our regularly scheduled blog to bring you a brief and complete mental breakdown:

I'm so beyond frustrated! How am I eating between 600-800 calories a day, and not losing weight? I get my macros (protein-fat-carbs) at what I think are amazing levels! I'm using the 10:1 ratio for meals (10 calories or less for every 1g of protein) WHY AM I NOT LOSING WEIGHT?!? Every time I step on the scale it's like a roller coaster ride... I go up two pounds one day then down two pounds the next! And when I do go down, I think I have broken this stall, only to be right back to where I stated a couple days later. It's beyond frustrating. I told myself I wouldn't rant and I wouldn't regret this surgery... But how do you not regret $13K that doesn't seem to be helping?





Ok.. I'm back! Sorry, I have my moments where I can't handle it anymore! I had so many goals for myself, yet I haven't reached one so far. Yes, I've been told my body can stall, and my body just needs to catch up with the rapid weight loss (37lbs in about 20 days). Here I am, 1 month post-op and all I have is around 16lbs (since surgery) to show for it.


I go see the surgeon on October 20th for my next door check up. I am hoping maybe he can give me some tips. I need to get to the gym more often. I used to go six days a week, now not going has become a hard habit to fix.

I'm hopeful that the weight loss will kick in soon! For my mental well being, it better!

Surgery thru Week 2!

I think my worst fears have been confirmed... Not being able to drink enough that you go into dehydration. Thank God that didn't happen to me! Surgery went outstandingly well. I woke up with a couple complications from surgery (dry heaves and high blood pressure),  but that all worked itself out once I got some medicine in me and slept off the anesthesia! In fact, we were on the road driving home by 1pm the next day! I did enjoy my stay in the hospital, but it still never compares to your own couch/bed.

WEEK 1

Any post-op complications that I worried about have been non existent! I have been able to consume enough water and protein to keep me on track! I took pain medicine the first night home but that was just to sleep well.  The first week I was still restricted to clear liquids, so water and isopure were my saving graces. I finally found some flavors of Isopure that aren't the worst thing ever to drink, and that helped! I thought jello and popsicles would be my favorite and I never really had them, just got bored with them, broth also. At the doctors office for my one week check up, I weighed in 12lbs down from surgery. I was happy enough with that!

WEEK 2

At this point I was cleared for full liquids. This added milk, protein shakes and cream soups. I still haven't found a protein shake that I'm found of and at this point, I don't think I will. Everything was still going down just fine, I swear I can gulp water, no more if that "sip sip sip" (and that excites me)! My incisions are practically healed now and I sleep very comfortably in any positions, including on my stomach. 

As far as weight loss goes, it wasn't as great. Within 2 days of my appointment I was down 4 more lbs, and that's where I stayed. I was warned by many people of the dreaded "stall". My body was getting used to the lack of calories and slipped into starvation mode. I hopefully have it figured out how, but I swore off the scale for a few days because it got frustrating seeing the same number day after day! 

I guess I could give you guys my stats. It's just a number, a high number tho. But as the weeks go on, these are numbers I will never see again. This is my reality, and I can either keep it to myself and be embarrassed, or tell everyone and be proud of how well I'm doing! So...

HW (highest weight) : 484

SW (surgery weight) : 458 (I had lost 21lbs during pre-op diet)

CW (current weight) : 442

Thanks for all the support and everyone checking in on me! I can honestly say that everything is going fabulously! 

The New Journey

Four years ago if you would have asked me if I would ever regain the 185lbs that I put my all into losing, I would have just laughed at you! I wasn't content with where I was yet, but it felt amazing and I loved what I was able to do and all that the journey brought me!

Well, over the past 4 years, the weight has been creeping back on. I hurt my knee and in turn replaced the gym with awful eating habits and drinking. Once my knee was healed, I still made excuses to not go work out and the after I gained a good amount back, I was embarrassed to be at the gym!

I'm embarrassed to even admit that, although the weight gain is completely evident by just looking at me. None of the people that I have met recently even know the crazy gym rat I used to be, and that makes me kind of sad. I am not looking for anyone's sympathy nor do I want opinions or criticisms. All I am asking for is support, but if you don't feel like supporting this, that's ok too!

This coming Wednesday, September 9th, I will be undergoing surgery for a Gastric Sleeve. This procedure will remove approx. 85% of my stomach and greatly restrict what I can consume. This is't some gimmick or quick fix miracle cure. This isn't a decision that I have made lightly or without  thorough research. I am going into this with the knowledge that this is only a tool. Although it will restrict my intake, I will still have free will with what I put in my mouth and must choose to make healthy food and lifestyle choices and work my ass off at the gym again! I know the dangers of the surgery, which are minimal in the grand scheme of major surgeries!

From the very beginning of this process (about 2 months ago), I have not wanted to hide it. I feel like there is a stigma surrounding weight loss surgeries and that some people are ashamed to admit they had it. I on the other hand, am a pretty open book about everything. I want people to understand what I'm going thru and hopefully be able to support and not criticize it.

Today I got my final clearance and surgery will be preformed in St. Louis at Mercy Hospital Jefferson (technically Festus, MO) by Dr Jay Snow! I have full confidence in him and I am looking forward to surgery day! I am currently in the midst of a 10 day clear liquid diet. Yeah, it's as much fun as it sounds, haha!  The diet helps shrink the liver, which lies directly on top of the stomach and in larger people can be tough to work around!

The countdown stands at 5 days until the next big journey in my life starts! I'm super excited to get it done and hope most of my friends will be able to stand by me thru this! If you have any questions, please feel free to ask me! I will try to update the blog once a week to keep everyone updated in my progress!

Big News Coming!

Soo.. yeah! Looks like I've neglected this for 2 1/2 years... kinda like I've neglected anything that resembles bettering myself and losing weight.

But there is big news coming! I just have to figure out how I want to tell everyone... not that anyone really reads this anymore.



I've been gone for too long, think it's time I bring it back!

Is everyone ready for a comeback story?

Lost In My Own Head

Its been a full year since I've even looked at this page.... Its been a lot longer since I've put forth the effort in which I know I need! Yeah.. I still work out, but my eating is out of control! At this point, there is almost no point to my working out because I know I will ruin it with my eating! But I still work out... Its my release, its part of my social time, its fun... And yet, its still nearly pointless!

Maybe the picture in my head is wrong... Maybe the words inside my head are too harsh.. Maybe I don't have this all figured out like I once thought I did!

I sit here and watch Biggest Loser... They all have a sob story, something that happened in their past, something that they just can't get over, something they need to work on, something more than just the food and exercise... And one by one, they all seem to have these breakthroughs, they overcome what was holding them back and they become what they always thought was impossible!

So what's holding me back from my impossible? What keeps me turning to self sabotage and heading the wrong way down this road? What will it take to turn me around?

Not so Easy!

Losing weight is one of hardest things to do and maintain! Food addiction is one of the worst things you could have! If you're addicted to crack, you stop using it! If you have a smoking problem, you stop smoking.... but its not like that with food! You can't just stop eating. You need food to live!

But what happens when you're addicted to something you can never get away from... and that something is bad for you? Why can't I be addicted to raw vegetables?!? Don't get me wrong, I like vegetables, but on most days, I'd much rather have a cheeseburger or a piece of cake!

A friend of mine asked me how someone could lose a bunch of weight and look amazing, yet still end up gaining a bunch of the weight back! For a girl who has never been overweight, nor will ever have to worry about what she eats, it was hard for her to fathom how this could happen. Unfortunately, I know all too well how this can occur! For some people, food is just nutrition. For others, food is a comfort and a habit.

You always hear the term "emotional eater"... but what does that really mean? For me, its a comfort. When there's a situation I can't emotionally handle, when I feel rejected and empty, when I'm super stressed out about a decision or just life in general... I turn to food! And its never carrots, its usually terrible food, like pizza, fast food, or any kind of sweet! Food doesn't change. Food doesn't get mad at you or ignore you. Food doesn't judge you. Food is always there.

How does someone lose a ton of weight and then gain some/a lot/all of it back?!? Life gets in the way, you lose focus, you just want to be normal! I wish I was like some of my friends that never have to worry about how many calories they eat or how many hours they spend at the gym. But that's not me... that will never be me!

Its been hard to come to that realization... to say that this has to be my "new normal"! I fully regret the past 8 months! I have done nothing but sabotage my weight loss journey. I let my emotional ups and downs outweigh my goals and dreams. At times, I lost all track of the path I was on. My motivation was at an all time low. I started resenting the one thing that gave me hope and support, the gym. No matter how hard you work, nothing can overcome a poor diet.

Thank God for a new start. 2012 is my year; The year I keep control. No more of that "All or nothing" attitude. No major set backs over small slip ups! No more excuses! Its time for me to make major strides in this journey! I'm not saying it's going to be easy, I'm saying it's going to be worth it!