Surgery thru Week 2!

I think my worst fears have been confirmed... Not being able to drink enough that you go into dehydration. Thank God that didn't happen to me! Surgery went outstandingly well. I woke up with a couple complications from surgery (dry heaves and high blood pressure),  but that all worked itself out once I got some medicine in me and slept off the anesthesia! In fact, we were on the road driving home by 1pm the next day! I did enjoy my stay in the hospital, but it still never compares to your own couch/bed.

WEEK 1

Any post-op complications that I worried about have been non existent! I have been able to consume enough water and protein to keep me on track! I took pain medicine the first night home but that was just to sleep well.  The first week I was still restricted to clear liquids, so water and isopure were my saving graces. I finally found some flavors of Isopure that aren't the worst thing ever to drink, and that helped! I thought jello and popsicles would be my favorite and I never really had them, just got bored with them, broth also. At the doctors office for my one week check up, I weighed in 12lbs down from surgery. I was happy enough with that!

WEEK 2

At this point I was cleared for full liquids. This added milk, protein shakes and cream soups. I still haven't found a protein shake that I'm found of and at this point, I don't think I will. Everything was still going down just fine, I swear I can gulp water, no more if that "sip sip sip" (and that excites me)! My incisions are practically healed now and I sleep very comfortably in any positions, including on my stomach. 

As far as weight loss goes, it wasn't as great. Within 2 days of my appointment I was down 4 more lbs, and that's where I stayed. I was warned by many people of the dreaded "stall". My body was getting used to the lack of calories and slipped into starvation mode. I hopefully have it figured out how, but I swore off the scale for a few days because it got frustrating seeing the same number day after day! 

I guess I could give you guys my stats. It's just a number, a high number tho. But as the weeks go on, these are numbers I will never see again. This is my reality, and I can either keep it to myself and be embarrassed, or tell everyone and be proud of how well I'm doing! So...

HW (highest weight) : 484

SW (surgery weight) : 458 (I had lost 21lbs during pre-op diet)

CW (current weight) : 442

Thanks for all the support and everyone checking in on me! I can honestly say that everything is going fabulously! 

The New Journey

Four years ago if you would have asked me if I would ever regain the 185lbs that I put my all into losing, I would have just laughed at you! I wasn't content with where I was yet, but it felt amazing and I loved what I was able to do and all that the journey brought me!

Well, over the past 4 years, the weight has been creeping back on. I hurt my knee and in turn replaced the gym with awful eating habits and drinking. Once my knee was healed, I still made excuses to not go work out and the after I gained a good amount back, I was embarrassed to be at the gym!

I'm embarrassed to even admit that, although the weight gain is completely evident by just looking at me. None of the people that I have met recently even know the crazy gym rat I used to be, and that makes me kind of sad. I am not looking for anyone's sympathy nor do I want opinions or criticisms. All I am asking for is support, but if you don't feel like supporting this, that's ok too!

This coming Wednesday, September 9th, I will be undergoing surgery for a Gastric Sleeve. This procedure will remove approx. 85% of my stomach and greatly restrict what I can consume. This is't some gimmick or quick fix miracle cure. This isn't a decision that I have made lightly or without  thorough research. I am going into this with the knowledge that this is only a tool. Although it will restrict my intake, I will still have free will with what I put in my mouth and must choose to make healthy food and lifestyle choices and work my ass off at the gym again! I know the dangers of the surgery, which are minimal in the grand scheme of major surgeries!

From the very beginning of this process (about 2 months ago), I have not wanted to hide it. I feel like there is a stigma surrounding weight loss surgeries and that some people are ashamed to admit they had it. I on the other hand, am a pretty open book about everything. I want people to understand what I'm going thru and hopefully be able to support and not criticize it.

Today I got my final clearance and surgery will be preformed in St. Louis at Mercy Hospital Jefferson (technically Festus, MO) by Dr Jay Snow! I have full confidence in him and I am looking forward to surgery day! I am currently in the midst of a 10 day clear liquid diet. Yeah, it's as much fun as it sounds, haha!  The diet helps shrink the liver, which lies directly on top of the stomach and in larger people can be tough to work around!

The countdown stands at 5 days until the next big journey in my life starts! I'm super excited to get it done and hope most of my friends will be able to stand by me thru this! If you have any questions, please feel free to ask me! I will try to update the blog once a week to keep everyone updated in my progress!

Big News Coming!

Soo.. yeah! Looks like I've neglected this for 2 1/2 years... kinda like I've neglected anything that resembles bettering myself and losing weight.

But there is big news coming! I just have to figure out how I want to tell everyone... not that anyone really reads this anymore.



I've been gone for too long, think it's time I bring it back!

Is everyone ready for a comeback story?

Lost In My Own Head

Its been a full year since I've even looked at this page.... Its been a lot longer since I've put forth the effort in which I know I need! Yeah.. I still work out, but my eating is out of control! At this point, there is almost no point to my working out because I know I will ruin it with my eating! But I still work out... Its my release, its part of my social time, its fun... And yet, its still nearly pointless!

Maybe the picture in my head is wrong... Maybe the words inside my head are too harsh.. Maybe I don't have this all figured out like I once thought I did!

I sit here and watch Biggest Loser... They all have a sob story, something that happened in their past, something that they just can't get over, something they need to work on, something more than just the food and exercise... And one by one, they all seem to have these breakthroughs, they overcome what was holding them back and they become what they always thought was impossible!

So what's holding me back from my impossible? What keeps me turning to self sabotage and heading the wrong way down this road? What will it take to turn me around?

Not so Easy!

Losing weight is one of hardest things to do and maintain! Food addiction is one of the worst things you could have! If you're addicted to crack, you stop using it! If you have a smoking problem, you stop smoking.... but its not like that with food! You can't just stop eating. You need food to live!

But what happens when you're addicted to something you can never get away from... and that something is bad for you? Why can't I be addicted to raw vegetables?!? Don't get me wrong, I like vegetables, but on most days, I'd much rather have a cheeseburger or a piece of cake!

A friend of mine asked me how someone could lose a bunch of weight and look amazing, yet still end up gaining a bunch of the weight back! For a girl who has never been overweight, nor will ever have to worry about what she eats, it was hard for her to fathom how this could happen. Unfortunately, I know all too well how this can occur! For some people, food is just nutrition. For others, food is a comfort and a habit.

You always hear the term "emotional eater"... but what does that really mean? For me, its a comfort. When there's a situation I can't emotionally handle, when I feel rejected and empty, when I'm super stressed out about a decision or just life in general... I turn to food! And its never carrots, its usually terrible food, like pizza, fast food, or any kind of sweet! Food doesn't change. Food doesn't get mad at you or ignore you. Food doesn't judge you. Food is always there.

How does someone lose a ton of weight and then gain some/a lot/all of it back?!? Life gets in the way, you lose focus, you just want to be normal! I wish I was like some of my friends that never have to worry about how many calories they eat or how many hours they spend at the gym. But that's not me... that will never be me!

Its been hard to come to that realization... to say that this has to be my "new normal"! I fully regret the past 8 months! I have done nothing but sabotage my weight loss journey. I let my emotional ups and downs outweigh my goals and dreams. At times, I lost all track of the path I was on. My motivation was at an all time low. I started resenting the one thing that gave me hope and support, the gym. No matter how hard you work, nothing can overcome a poor diet.

Thank God for a new start. 2012 is my year; The year I keep control. No more of that "All or nothing" attitude. No major set backs over small slip ups! No more excuses! Its time for me to make major strides in this journey! I'm not saying it's going to be easy, I'm saying it's going to be worth it!

Beyond Frustrated...

I AM FRUSTRATED.. No... BEYOND FRUSTRATED!!!

Since when did eating completely awesome and exercising until you want to collapse turn into weight gain?!? OH RIGHT, that's what would happen with me!

I got my new BodyBugg in the mail last week and was completely excited! Burn 3650 calories a day, consume 1400 calories a day should, in theory, come out of around 4.5lbs lost per week! Key words, IN THEORY!!!

I was disappointed last week when I only lost two pounds, but not completely down, cause at least I didn't gain.. right?!? Two pounds is still two pounds closer to my goal! And let's be honest, I can't complain about losing 26 pounds in three weeks!

But not this week! This week I have consumed so many fruits, vegetables, whole grains and chicken, that I want to explode! I paid careful attention to the ratio of Carbs/Protein/Fat and made sure I was eating at the proper foods at the right times of the day! Oh, the calories I have been burning! Between Turbo Kick, Attack, Boot camp, Training and running, I have burned PLENTY of calories everyday!

And yet, I gained weight... Its so so frustrating! The worst part is stress brings on weight gain... and ironically, all I do is stress about my weight gain! AWESOME! I have yet to have my "official" weigh in... but trust me, its not going to be pretty!

I guess this is just another bump in the road: a long, winding, kinda getting old road.

"If you have reason to be frustrated,
you also have the motivation necessary
to get beyond whatever is frustrating you."
- RM

Working Hard

"The dictionary is the only place
where success comes before work!"
- Mark Twain

This week has been rough. I have been working as hard as I can to get these pounds to come off! I didn't do nearly as well on my nutrition this week as I did last week and highly expected it to show up on the scale. I still ended up losing 6 1/2 lbs this week for a total of 24lbs in 2 weeks! I am MORE than excited about that! 5 more pounds til I'm back to my BL final weight and I can put my "Summer of crap" behind me!! Onto better things.. and smaller numbers on the scale! YAY!

The workouts this week were KILLER!! Attack and Turbo just never really get easier... I sweat out buckets in both of them and leave completely spent! Thursday's Boot Camp with Amanda was AMAZINGLY ridiculous! Over a mile in suicides that included jumping jacks, burpees, squats, tuck jumps, pushups and crunches all mixed into the suicides! YIKES!! Then on Friday, I had a boxing session with Travis, where we actually fought each other! He had gloves on and the only rule was to not hit faces... I tried my best to his his face, but failed terribly! My arms were EXHAUSTED beyond belief.. They still hurt a day today!! But it was an AWESOME 30 min workout!


Exhausted from Boot Camp suicides... but still happy?!?

On tap for this week... 2 Boot Camps, 2 trainings with Travis, 2 Turbo Kicks, 2 Body Attacks and 5 morning workouts of random cardio! Sounds like a week of fun to me!

Travis' Weight Loss goal for me this week : 5 pounds
Susie's Weight Loss goal for myself : 8-10 pounds

LET'S GET THIS!!!!