One Year Out!

Last year at this time I was lying in a hospital room after making one of the best decisions of my life. I got a gastric sleeve, I paid someone to cut out 80% of my stomach.... and it's been a whirlwind ever since!

There have been some setbacks, like getting my gallbladder out and a quick bout of pancreatitis, but generally it has been a great year.


The Stats:

HW: 484
SW: 458
CW: 304

Total lost: 180lbs

It's been a very long summer of stalls. I've lost a pound here and there, but nothing significant. It feels like every time I get closer to under 300, I fail miserably! 4 flipping pounds to go... I can't wait to see that 2-- on the scale!

I'm frustrated that I didn't reach my goal of 200lbs off by a year out, but I suppose 180lbs is nothing to laugh at! I've still got a long way to go and need to really buckle down to get there.

Although I can't eat much (quantity wise), I've found that I can pretty much eat anything. It's been a real struggle to figure out exactly what I should be eating. How much protein vs fat vs carbs? How many calories are too many vs how many calories are too little and will send my body into starvation mode? It's a work in progress for sure!

So back onto the warpath... Fighting my obesity, fighting to get to where I want to be, fighting to love who I am! First pit stop: Any weight with a 2 in front of it!

6.5ish Months!

Well, its been quite the month!

First the numbers (Even tho this is a bit over a month)

HW: 484
SW: 458
CW: 344


140lbs down from high weight!
114lbs down from surgery weight!


This month has been full of emergency room visits, hospital stays, and surgeries! BLAH!

Last blog I talked about what I thought was gallbladder attacks, and it turns out I was right! On February 24th, I went into the ER early in the AM because I had been having a gallbladder attack for over 4 hours. After spending my whole day there, it was confirmed that I needed my gallbladder out, but that it wasn't necessarily an emergency case, so I was referred to a surgeon's office where I was scheduled and had my gallbladder out on March 4th! Besides pain and general lethargy, all went well with that surgery!

About one week later is when all went wrong. I woke up feeling odd, but had a ton of stuff to do that day, as I had the day off work and was supposed to be packing for our upcoming road trip. The pain in my gallbladder area grew to my whole abdomen and finally into my back and shoulders throughout the day. By 10pm I wasn't able to keep anything down and was in so much pain I was in tears, so off to the ER again! I have never been in that much pain, I don't ever want to be in that much pain again. Altho it took a while to diagnose, they did provide me with very amazing drugs to take away the pain and help me sleep. They finally came back with the diagnosis of pancreatitis! So back to surgery to get an ERCP (Scope that goes down my throat into my liver/pancreas) and clean out the stones and sludge that my silly gallbladder decided to leave me. They also put in two stents.

Fast forward about 36 hours and I'm out of the hospital, bags are packed, and I headed off to Florida to catch up with my lovely friends to start vacation on the beach! Recovery went well even tho I was in pain from time to time. But the surgeon said to relax on the beach, and that's exactly what I did!

This past Tuesday I had to get an x-ray to make sure my pancreatic stent had worked its way out of my body. Come to find out it did not, so back to the operating room I go. The bright spot in this story is that during a second x-ray today right before surgery, the stent was not found, so it is believed to have vacated on its own!! WOOO HOOO!!!

Here's to staying FAR FAR away from the hospital for a while now!



Overall, my weight loss has suffered from being sick so much! Yes, I am still losing. Yes, I should be grateful for how much I've lost. BUT I WANT TO LOSE MORE AND FASTER!  I have started training with a good friend, and need to step up my own cardio! I feel stronger, and for sure feel better in the grand scheme of things!


Hopefully next blog I'll get a little deeper in the mental aspect of this surgery. It really hasn't been an easy journey, but then again, I wasn't expecting it to be! I've still got a long way to go but I know I'll get there eventually!

5 Months Post-Op!

5 months down! Where does the time go?

First the numbers:

HW: 484

SW: 458

CW: 365

119lbs down from high weight and 93lbs since surgery!

The weight seems to be slowing down and just creeping off! I had been closer to 20lbs per month, but now it's 17!

My Surgeon wants me at 340 by the time I see him for my 6 month appointment. So 25lbs to go in about a month or so.. (My appointment isn't scheduled yet) It will be hard to get there, but hopefully I can step up the workouts some and mix in a protein shake every once in a while to help me out (now to find a protein shake I enjoy and Sleeven Spielberg actually tolerates)!

Everything is going really well! Some days are better than others, but I feel great! I definitely have more energy, and a lot more strength and stamina!

My only issue still seems to be my gallbladder. I haven't gone to see the doctor about it yet as it only happens once every couple weeks or so, even tho I probably should have gone somewhere this week when it happened since the attack lasted over two hours! I was close to hitting up an ER, but then it stopped! So I guess my next big attack I'll go get it checked out.. Can't keep up with these surprise attacks! 

Besides bread, rice, and pasta, the only food restriction I still have is red meat! Only one more month until I get it back. I've broke the rule a couple times, but generally I have followed it. Can't wait to be off that restriction! I haven't really found avoiding bread, rice, pasta to be an issue at all! I've had a bite or two of bread.. But not rice or pasta... I fill up so quickly on everything else that it doesn't seem to bother me that I'm not eating it!

The mental aspect of having this surgery is something you can't ever really prepare yourself for. I still can look at any food and in my mind, want to devour a huge portion of it. Somewhere in my brain, it hasn't fully connected that I just can't eat that much. The worst part is when I make something that I have had before, lets say 2 eggs scrambled with a little cheese sprinkled on top. Most days I can eat it no problem and be nice and full. Some days I can eat only half and be overly full... It's like my stomach can't make up its mind. Watching people eat isn't a struggle of what they eat, more of how much.. I am full after around a 1/2 cup to 3/4 cup of food... But my mind wants more. And I can't seem to explain even to myself why more food would satisfy my brain even tho my stomach is already satisfied! Makes no sense right?!?

Also, I still crave crappy things. I still look at a cookie and try to convince myself it will be fine... And yes, I have had a few cookies and other things that I probably shouldn't have. It's not because those things in moderation will kill my diet... It's because I can only hold so much food.. If I put crap in my stomach, I have no room for protein, which is what I really need!

I just need to stay the course and keep on moving! I've got lots of goals to hit still and I have a timeline I want to do it in!

4 months Post-Op!

4 months already?!? Wow, the time flies when you're losing weight!

First, the numbers!

HW: 484lbs

SW: 458lbs

CW: 380lbs

104 down from high weight.. So I'm pretty happy with that! It seems like I lose really well for a week, 5-10lbs, then take a break for several days. So I can't say I'm really slowing down at all, just not completely consistent from week to week!

The holidays came and went, and yes, I did partake in the celebrations! I had a couple bites of the cheesecake at Thanksgiving, a had a few Christmas cookies... I even had a drink on New Years Eve. I haven't found anything that has upset my stomach except for the one bite if food too much. Ugh... It's the worst feeling!

I have somewhat developed two concerns:

My hair is falling out! I end up pulling out a handful every time I shower and I am always removing stray hairs from my clothing. This is a fairly common problem. My body (and those of other weight loss surgery patients) has gone thru a very traumatizing time. Not only a drastic diet change, but surgery and rapid weight loss. My body's only method of coping is to shed my hair! I'm not happy about it, but I'm hopeful that it will slow or stop here in the near future! Just praying for no balding and not too much thinning!

My other concern is my gallbladder. I can't tell you the science behind it, but 30% of WLS patients end up having their gallbladder removed. I am completely self diagnosing this, as I know the signs to look for and have experienced what I believe was a gallbladder attack, but until I go get blood work done, I won't know for sure! As of right not, I'm just trying to not think of it until I am forced to do something.

Besides that, things are really good! I'm not going to lie, I am so looking forward to having red meat. I've had bites here and there, but I'm trying to keep within the rules as much as possible! Chicken and turkey tend to get old tho. I had some salmon last night that was awesome, so I guess I need to switch it up sometimes!

Current goal is to be to 340 or below by mid March when I go down to Pensacola.. That will be my 6 month mark and my next visit to Dr Snow for an official weigh in!  So here's to dropping 40+ in the next two months! 

3 Months Post-Op!

Happy 3 month surgiversary! These past 3 months have had its ups and downs, but I'm still really happy with my decision to go then with surgery! 

In this past month, I've started back at the gym with a personal trainer two times a week. My body hasn't been this sore in a very long time! Biofreeze has become my best friend! I do need to workout more on my own, but it's been great getting back into the gym! I feel like I have more energy, especially the days I work out. Waking up before 5am to get to the gym by 5:45am is still awful no matter what! Yikes! 

Food has been mostly good! I still haven't found anything that doesn't agree with me! I'm excited that I've started adding some raw veggies again (Hello salads!). Eating out has been a breeze now that I can eat veggies, even tho before it wasn't bad since everyone seems to have some form of plain white meat (or eggs) that I can have! 

The only issue I have run into is overeating... But I guess overeating is a general term in my case! 1 bite too many and my mouth will over produce saliva and I get nauseous... 2 bites too many and it's not staying down! Luckily it's only happened twice, but it's the worst! 

And the weight is doing great! My next appointment with the surgeon is in 11 days (Dec 22nd) and I'm suppose to be down to 390! 

Well... 
HW: 484 
SW: 458 
CW: 397 

WOOOHOOO!! I'm down 87lbs total and finally out of the 400's! I'm pretty excited about that! Now to work hard these next 11 days to get down under the surgeon's goal for me!

Weeks 5-6

WEEK 5-6


HW: 484
SW: 458
CW: 428

Yeah... Ya got that right!

THE STALL IS BROKEN!!! Woo hoo!!!

At some point during week 5, the stall finally broke! How exciting! I ended up losing 10lbs during week 5, and for week 6 I'm down 6!

It has turned everything around mentally to know that all this is now paying off. It so frustrating to eat so little and work hard on getting proper nutrition to not see anything reflected on the scale. Even if it's slow but steady, I'll be happy!

Next week (by that I mean on Monday), I have to work on getting to the gym BEFORE work! That means packing my lunch and gym bag before bed, 5am alarm, and to the gym by 5:45! That will be tough considering I'm currently not getting to sleep before 1am!  But, I've gotta do what I've gotta do! The morning is wasted time as I'm not playing with the pups, I sleep in until the last possible minute to get up! I feel like using that time to get my workout in will free up my evenings to actually spend time with the pups, the many hockey events coming up, or the other millions of things that I need to get done!

Food is pretty much all the same; an egg for breakfast, lots of chicken and add in some yogurt or cottage cheese for snacks!  I'm considering removing all dairy from my diet, but I'll make the decision once I have less restrictions on food (around 2-3 months out). I'm eating around 600-800 calories a day. Somedays I find it hard to consume enough calories, other days I have to fight hunger!

I finally got to see my stomach at my last doctors appointment, it's amazing what they can do via surgery now! My stomach, aka "Sleevie Wonder", is just a little guy now! Long gone are the days of just grabbing whatever I want to eat. Some days I do miss the freedom, but I know it's what's best and will keep getting better and better the further out I am!

Here's my stomach in action... I had a couple gulps of barium that shows up as the black stuff moving thru my stomach. It shows up on the video in my esophagus (throat) and then squeezed into my  "sleeve"!

One Month Post-Op

I can't believe it's been a whole month! I feel as tho surgery was only a couple of weeks ago. I am grateful that I haven't had any complications or side effects. I continue to get in more than enough water, and food has been going really well! My incisions are mostly healed and I've been cleared to do anything and everything!

As far as food goes, I now have a list of food I can't have instead of a list of stuff I can!

Food/drinks I can't have :
  - raw vegetables
  - bread, rice, pasta
  - red meat
  - citrus
  - alcohol
  - any carbonation

Also, as part of this surgery, I am not supposed to drink within 30 minutes of having food. So I stop drinking water 30 minutes before and can continue 30 minutes after my last bite. This has been the hardest thing to learn. I think almost everyone is used to grabbing a drink with every meal. I did it the other day while we were out to eat at Jimmy Johns for the first time and all I ordered was turkey and cheese (no bread or anything else). Out of habit, I asked for a water cup. Five or six bites into my meal I realized my tummy was kind of gurgling and it wasn't settling well (which is odd because I've had turkey and cheese before). It took me a second to realize I was drinking also! Oops!

Weight.. Yeah... That's the only issue

HW: 484
SW: 458
CW: 442-446

Yep... you read that right! I haven't lost anything since 10 days after the surgery. I have been bouncing back and forth between 4lbs. Stalls are the absolute worst.


We interrupt our regularly scheduled blog to bring you a brief and complete mental breakdown:

I'm so beyond frustrated! How am I eating between 600-800 calories a day, and not losing weight? I get my macros (protein-fat-carbs) at what I think are amazing levels! I'm using the 10:1 ratio for meals (10 calories or less for every 1g of protein) WHY AM I NOT LOSING WEIGHT?!? Every time I step on the scale it's like a roller coaster ride... I go up two pounds one day then down two pounds the next! And when I do go down, I think I have broken this stall, only to be right back to where I stated a couple days later. It's beyond frustrating. I told myself I wouldn't rant and I wouldn't regret this surgery... But how do you not regret $13K that doesn't seem to be helping?





Ok.. I'm back! Sorry, I have my moments where I can't handle it anymore! I had so many goals for myself, yet I haven't reached one so far. Yes, I've been told my body can stall, and my body just needs to catch up with the rapid weight loss (37lbs in about 20 days). Here I am, 1 month post-op and all I have is around 16lbs (since surgery) to show for it.


I go see the surgeon on October 20th for my next door check up. I am hoping maybe he can give me some tips. I need to get to the gym more often. I used to go six days a week, now not going has become a hard habit to fix.

I'm hopeful that the weight loss will kick in soon! For my mental well being, it better!

Surgery thru Week 2!

I think my worst fears have been confirmed... Not being able to drink enough that you go into dehydration. Thank God that didn't happen to me! Surgery went outstandingly well. I woke up with a couple complications from surgery (dry heaves and high blood pressure),  but that all worked itself out once I got some medicine in me and slept off the anesthesia! In fact, we were on the road driving home by 1pm the next day! I did enjoy my stay in the hospital, but it still never compares to your own couch/bed.

WEEK 1

Any post-op complications that I worried about have been non existent! I have been able to consume enough water and protein to keep me on track! I took pain medicine the first night home but that was just to sleep well.  The first week I was still restricted to clear liquids, so water and isopure were my saving graces. I finally found some flavors of Isopure that aren't the worst thing ever to drink, and that helped! I thought jello and popsicles would be my favorite and I never really had them, just got bored with them, broth also. At the doctors office for my one week check up, I weighed in 12lbs down from surgery. I was happy enough with that!

WEEK 2

At this point I was cleared for full liquids. This added milk, protein shakes and cream soups. I still haven't found a protein shake that I'm found of and at this point, I don't think I will. Everything was still going down just fine, I swear I can gulp water, no more if that "sip sip sip" (and that excites me)! My incisions are practically healed now and I sleep very comfortably in any positions, including on my stomach. 

As far as weight loss goes, it wasn't as great. Within 2 days of my appointment I was down 4 more lbs, and that's where I stayed. I was warned by many people of the dreaded "stall". My body was getting used to the lack of calories and slipped into starvation mode. I hopefully have it figured out how, but I swore off the scale for a few days because it got frustrating seeing the same number day after day! 

I guess I could give you guys my stats. It's just a number, a high number tho. But as the weeks go on, these are numbers I will never see again. This is my reality, and I can either keep it to myself and be embarrassed, or tell everyone and be proud of how well I'm doing! So...

HW (highest weight) : 484

SW (surgery weight) : 458 (I had lost 21lbs during pre-op diet)

CW (current weight) : 442

Thanks for all the support and everyone checking in on me! I can honestly say that everything is going fabulously! 

The New Journey

Four years ago if you would have asked me if I would ever regain the 185lbs that I put my all into losing, I would have just laughed at you! I wasn't content with where I was yet, but it felt amazing and I loved what I was able to do and all that the journey brought me!

Well, over the past 4 years, the weight has been creeping back on. I hurt my knee and in turn replaced the gym with awful eating habits and drinking. Once my knee was healed, I still made excuses to not go work out and the after I gained a good amount back, I was embarrassed to be at the gym!

I'm embarrassed to even admit that, although the weight gain is completely evident by just looking at me. None of the people that I have met recently even know the crazy gym rat I used to be, and that makes me kind of sad. I am not looking for anyone's sympathy nor do I want opinions or criticisms. All I am asking for is support, but if you don't feel like supporting this, that's ok too!

This coming Wednesday, September 9th, I will be undergoing surgery for a Gastric Sleeve. This procedure will remove approx. 85% of my stomach and greatly restrict what I can consume. This is't some gimmick or quick fix miracle cure. This isn't a decision that I have made lightly or without  thorough research. I am going into this with the knowledge that this is only a tool. Although it will restrict my intake, I will still have free will with what I put in my mouth and must choose to make healthy food and lifestyle choices and work my ass off at the gym again! I know the dangers of the surgery, which are minimal in the grand scheme of major surgeries!

From the very beginning of this process (about 2 months ago), I have not wanted to hide it. I feel like there is a stigma surrounding weight loss surgeries and that some people are ashamed to admit they had it. I on the other hand, am a pretty open book about everything. I want people to understand what I'm going thru and hopefully be able to support and not criticize it.

Today I got my final clearance and surgery will be preformed in St. Louis at Mercy Hospital Jefferson (technically Festus, MO) by Dr Jay Snow! I have full confidence in him and I am looking forward to surgery day! I am currently in the midst of a 10 day clear liquid diet. Yeah, it's as much fun as it sounds, haha!  The diet helps shrink the liver, which lies directly on top of the stomach and in larger people can be tough to work around!

The countdown stands at 5 days until the next big journey in my life starts! I'm super excited to get it done and hope most of my friends will be able to stand by me thru this! If you have any questions, please feel free to ask me! I will try to update the blog once a week to keep everyone updated in my progress!

Big News Coming!

Soo.. yeah! Looks like I've neglected this for 2 1/2 years... kinda like I've neglected anything that resembles bettering myself and losing weight.

But there is big news coming! I just have to figure out how I want to tell everyone... not that anyone really reads this anymore.



I've been gone for too long, think it's time I bring it back!

Is everyone ready for a comeback story?

Lost In My Own Head

Its been a full year since I've even looked at this page.... Its been a lot longer since I've put forth the effort in which I know I need! Yeah.. I still work out, but my eating is out of control! At this point, there is almost no point to my working out because I know I will ruin it with my eating! But I still work out... Its my release, its part of my social time, its fun... And yet, its still nearly pointless!

Maybe the picture in my head is wrong... Maybe the words inside my head are too harsh.. Maybe I don't have this all figured out like I once thought I did!

I sit here and watch Biggest Loser... They all have a sob story, something that happened in their past, something that they just can't get over, something they need to work on, something more than just the food and exercise... And one by one, they all seem to have these breakthroughs, they overcome what was holding them back and they become what they always thought was impossible!

So what's holding me back from my impossible? What keeps me turning to self sabotage and heading the wrong way down this road? What will it take to turn me around?

Not so Easy!

Losing weight is one of hardest things to do and maintain! Food addiction is one of the worst things you could have! If you're addicted to crack, you stop using it! If you have a smoking problem, you stop smoking.... but its not like that with food! You can't just stop eating. You need food to live!

But what happens when you're addicted to something you can never get away from... and that something is bad for you? Why can't I be addicted to raw vegetables?!? Don't get me wrong, I like vegetables, but on most days, I'd much rather have a cheeseburger or a piece of cake!

A friend of mine asked me how someone could lose a bunch of weight and look amazing, yet still end up gaining a bunch of the weight back! For a girl who has never been overweight, nor will ever have to worry about what she eats, it was hard for her to fathom how this could happen. Unfortunately, I know all too well how this can occur! For some people, food is just nutrition. For others, food is a comfort and a habit.

You always hear the term "emotional eater"... but what does that really mean? For me, its a comfort. When there's a situation I can't emotionally handle, when I feel rejected and empty, when I'm super stressed out about a decision or just life in general... I turn to food! And its never carrots, its usually terrible food, like pizza, fast food, or any kind of sweet! Food doesn't change. Food doesn't get mad at you or ignore you. Food doesn't judge you. Food is always there.

How does someone lose a ton of weight and then gain some/a lot/all of it back?!? Life gets in the way, you lose focus, you just want to be normal! I wish I was like some of my friends that never have to worry about how many calories they eat or how many hours they spend at the gym. But that's not me... that will never be me!

Its been hard to come to that realization... to say that this has to be my "new normal"! I fully regret the past 8 months! I have done nothing but sabotage my weight loss journey. I let my emotional ups and downs outweigh my goals and dreams. At times, I lost all track of the path I was on. My motivation was at an all time low. I started resenting the one thing that gave me hope and support, the gym. No matter how hard you work, nothing can overcome a poor diet.

Thank God for a new start. 2012 is my year; The year I keep control. No more of that "All or nothing" attitude. No major set backs over small slip ups! No more excuses! Its time for me to make major strides in this journey! I'm not saying it's going to be easy, I'm saying it's going to be worth it!

Beyond Frustrated...

I AM FRUSTRATED.. No... BEYOND FRUSTRATED!!!

Since when did eating completely awesome and exercising until you want to collapse turn into weight gain?!? OH RIGHT, that's what would happen with me!

I got my new BodyBugg in the mail last week and was completely excited! Burn 3650 calories a day, consume 1400 calories a day should, in theory, come out of around 4.5lbs lost per week! Key words, IN THEORY!!!

I was disappointed last week when I only lost two pounds, but not completely down, cause at least I didn't gain.. right?!? Two pounds is still two pounds closer to my goal! And let's be honest, I can't complain about losing 26 pounds in three weeks!

But not this week! This week I have consumed so many fruits, vegetables, whole grains and chicken, that I want to explode! I paid careful attention to the ratio of Carbs/Protein/Fat and made sure I was eating at the proper foods at the right times of the day! Oh, the calories I have been burning! Between Turbo Kick, Attack, Boot camp, Training and running, I have burned PLENTY of calories everyday!

And yet, I gained weight... Its so so frustrating! The worst part is stress brings on weight gain... and ironically, all I do is stress about my weight gain! AWESOME! I have yet to have my "official" weigh in... but trust me, its not going to be pretty!

I guess this is just another bump in the road: a long, winding, kinda getting old road.

"If you have reason to be frustrated,
you also have the motivation necessary
to get beyond whatever is frustrating you."
- RM

Working Hard

"The dictionary is the only place
where success comes before work!"
- Mark Twain

This week has been rough. I have been working as hard as I can to get these pounds to come off! I didn't do nearly as well on my nutrition this week as I did last week and highly expected it to show up on the scale. I still ended up losing 6 1/2 lbs this week for a total of 24lbs in 2 weeks! I am MORE than excited about that! 5 more pounds til I'm back to my BL final weight and I can put my "Summer of crap" behind me!! Onto better things.. and smaller numbers on the scale! YAY!

The workouts this week were KILLER!! Attack and Turbo just never really get easier... I sweat out buckets in both of them and leave completely spent! Thursday's Boot Camp with Amanda was AMAZINGLY ridiculous! Over a mile in suicides that included jumping jacks, burpees, squats, tuck jumps, pushups and crunches all mixed into the suicides! YIKES!! Then on Friday, I had a boxing session with Travis, where we actually fought each other! He had gloves on and the only rule was to not hit faces... I tried my best to his his face, but failed terribly! My arms were EXHAUSTED beyond belief.. They still hurt a day today!! But it was an AWESOME 30 min workout!


Exhausted from Boot Camp suicides... but still happy?!?

On tap for this week... 2 Boot Camps, 2 trainings with Travis, 2 Turbo Kicks, 2 Body Attacks and 5 morning workouts of random cardio! Sounds like a week of fun to me!

Travis' Weight Loss goal for me this week : 5 pounds
Susie's Weight Loss goal for myself : 8-10 pounds

LET'S GET THIS!!!!

Must be doing something right!!

Today was weigh-in day... YIKES! The thought of an official weigh-in always scares me a little! (Even when I know I'm gonna kill it!) Weigh-in is usually at training (4pm) but we had to reschedule today's, so I went in this morning and weighed in!

Soo...


I LOST 17 1/2 LBS THIS WEEK!!
YAY!

I'm pretty excited about it!! I know this won't happen every week, but it feels like I'm finally back on track! 11 1/2lbs more til I'm back to my final BL weigh-in! And then its onwards and... downwards from there!!!

My diet is almost completely on!! I won't say its 100% because I haven't been planning and keeping a fully balanced diet like I want to do! But that's what is still on the schedule! Get back to planning meals instead of just staring at the fridge and throwing something together at the last minute! Obviously it worked out just fine this week, but I know it will catch up to me eventually!

Travis set my weigh-in goal this week at 8lbs!! So.. Here's to having another amazing weight loss week!

Its all about ME!

"Remind yourself again and again of why you must...
Hold your head high and keep your eyes on the goal"
Ralph Marston

Sorry it has been so long since I've blogged. I haven't been doing well.

Friday we had our first official weigh-in with Travis. I hate to admit the numbers.. but I'm up 29lbs since Biggest Loser ended. I am so disappointed in myself.

A good friend told me a while back that I was beautiful and that I don't have to change or lose anymore weight if I'm happy. It's hard for me to believe the word beautiful... and thinking back on that statement made me realize how truly unhappy I am with myself.

URGH... It's been a rough summer. My nutrition has been a complete downfall and besides my training and boot camp, my workouts have pretty much been a major area of disappointment.

What happened to my "intrinsic motivation"?!? I was in such good shape after Biggest Loser and a lot of that is gone. I struggle thru some workouts, But all of that is going to change.

OPERATION SUSIE is in full swing!!

I am a people pleaser! I'll do anything in my power to help a friend or make them smile (Even when I can't make myself smile)! Its just who I am. I constantly put other people first.

But I have to start putting myself and my goals first. I've made it most of the summer without moving any closer to (And for that matter further away from) my goals and that's just not acceptable.

I'm giving up drinking again! I did it for the 10 weeks of Biggest Loser and was just fine. Its a very social thing for me and I'm a very social person, but drinking does nothing good for my goals. Along with no drinking, is the very few and far between eating out. No restaurant offers the selections I need to lose the weight that I need to. It's also a social thing for me, that I won't completely be giving up, but will be cutting back extremely!

In other words, my whirlwind of a super fun summer is done! Its back to fairly lame Susie that works, goes to the gym, and goes home. If that's what I have to do to get to where I need/want to be.. then that is EXACTLY what I'll be doing!

Weekly weigh-ins with Travis will for sure keep me accountable for all of my actions! This week's weight loss goal is 6lbs! And that is completely do-able!

I'm rather excited to get back at it! Its not a fun time when all you do is sabotage yourself! Operation SUSIE is about ME.. and only ME!!

Steamboat Classic

After 2 years of saying I'll run the Steamboat Classic, I finally did it!!




It was a fairly nice day... a little humid, but not too hot, and there was a lovely breeze coming thru every once in a while (Or maybe that was just cause I was running so fast HAHAHA). I ran most of the 4 miles alone, just the way I like it.. Just me and my music! Although, at some point, I think I could have used the little birdie in my ear saying RUN NOW!! I shouldn't doubt myself, but I feel like I could have pushed just a little bit harder in some places!


Waiting to start the race!

I wanted to finish in under an hour (Travis thought I could finish in 57 mins).. but ended up finishing in 1:01:13... For a 15:18 pace per mile! Started out the race at at 16:16 pace for the first 2 miles.. ended with a 14:20 pace for the last 2 miles. (Which is a lot closer to what I should be) I'm a little frustrated that I didn't finish faster, but overall, I'm happy with everything!


Post Race with Cody and Stacy!

Soo... With Steamboat behind me, I've gotta refocus on getting back to losing weight, and continue working on my running! As much as I hate the thought of running, I feel so great afterwards!! So I need to keep going... Just keep putting one foot in front of the other!!

And so it ends!!

I have put off writing this blog because I didn't want to admit that its finally over! Biggest Loser 2011 was a blast and a half! We had our ups and our downs.. We had big leaps in our physical abilities and huge weight losses!

The Indigo girls ROCKED the competition! The 8 of us lost nearly 280 lbs in ten weeks! We also won every weekly challenge except one (Stupid lateral holds)! We all worked together so well, we were more like a family then a team!

Our trainers were always there for us! Travis and Dorian were the foundation of our team... They would lay it out for us and we did the work! They were there supporting us before the competition even began. They pushed us til we couldn't go any further. I couldn't thank Travis and Dorian enough for what they did for me and our team!

I ended up losing 46lbs, going from 312/2 to 266.2! I am very happy with that number! I also made big strides in running! From only being able to do 1/4 mile before BL to running 2 full miles during the final race, I still can't believe how far I have come along in my running! My measurements are also going DOWN DOWN DOWN!! I lost a total of 23.5 inches off of my body, including 11 inches off my waist and 3.75 inches from my thigh!!

My Indigo girls finished Biggest Loser 2011 by placing FIRST overall for weight loss!! And although I said in the beginning I'd win the whole thing, I came in 7Th place!

And in the end, I'm OK not winning... Because with Biggest Loser, its not about winning... It's about LOSING!!

Before/After!!!!

There will be a blog post tomorrow.. but first I thought I would post these before and after pictures from Biggest Loser!!

It's hard to see a huge difference in yourself when you look in the mirror everyday... but here's a 10 week difference... I like what I see!!

BL Update: Weeks 3+4

So much for keeping up with this every week!!

Week 3 actually started on Saturday this week because we had a make-up training for the session we missed during Snowpocalypse 2011! This training was AWESOME!! Burned a ton of calories, but had a ton of fun! Travis set up stations where we had to do different exercises for 2 minutes, then rotate!! My favorite was definitely the station that Travis was holding the punching bag and blocking our way to a basket where we had to throw balls into. Our goal was to get around him... or knock him down!!

Our challenge this week was wall sits! I rocked out a 5:05 wall sit, but wasn't enough to come in first, as Maria and her tiny legs sat there for 10+ minutes(RIDICULOUS!) BUT.. Our team came in first, and that's all that matters!

I was REALLY afraid of weigh in this week (I'm starting to see a trend)... but I did all I could, and actually ended up losing 7.2 lbs (290.2), so I was very happy with week 3!!

Week 4 started out with a bang, when we had to do our challenge! This week's challenge, as many laps as you can do around the track in 15 minutes.. and if you remember from the first week, Indigo doesn't walk.. Indigo runs!! So I ran.. and I ran.. and I ran!! (And by running, I mean more of a jog)BUT... Here's the GREAT news... I ran a whole mile straight!! WOOOOO!! That would be doubling my last run of only 4 laps and make it a whole 8 laps!! I did it in 14:20! I felt like I could have kept going too, but with only 15 minutes in the challenge, I opted to walk my 9th lap because I wouldn't be able to get back around the track to make the 9th lap count!

I didn't feel great about this week tho... It wasn't my work outs.. Cause both Dorian and Travis killed us during our training sessions... But it was my eating! I was NOT good. We drove up to Minnesota for Blues and Rivermen games over the weekend, and I had very little motivation to be good (although I did end up bringing food and cooking several of my meals) And even when I got, for some reason, I couldn't get my head back into my full on nutrition game!!

At the weigh in, I ended up gaining 1.4 lbs (291.6) which made me feel like crap! I work TOO HARD at the gym to go home and just eat mindlessly... I'm still 290+lbs... I should be able to lose 4-5 lbs a week easily!! I NEED to remember that everytime I reach for something that I know I shouldn't!!

6 weeks left... 20.6lbs down... 41.6lbs to go!! That's nearly 7lbs per week! YIKES!! I CAN DO THIS!